《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）
——金科
七夕是什么时候Wanders every five miles
焦仲卿Johnny(J for short) 刘兰芝Lunch(L 华南师范大学增城学院分数线for short)
焦母Johnny’s mother(JM for short) 刘母Lunch’s mother(LM for short)
太守之子Mayor’酷美眉s son(MS for short) 强盗Burglars(AB and C)
Prologue
(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J: Everybody says that I’m hen pecked, but in fact, I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!
(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)Then, I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood. She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me. All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me. But she is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
中国女足晋级奥运As you see , people live around here all said that I am not a man. Yes, I am not a man, I am a handsome man.(手撩头发做臭美状)
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
My God! Who can help me?(下)
Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):I can!
(对门内)Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here! What’s up mum?
JM: I’ve told you again and again that you should call me“ my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”. 问候
L: OK. My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’sup? （口气很不情愿）
JM: Since you married my son you have behaved so badly. You have been so rude, so brusque, so lazy……
L: But……
JM:Never interrupt me!
L: Never interrupt me!（手势） Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny（语气重点头）, I have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. I have raised（掰手指头数） ten soft hous and sof pigs and ducks and chicken and……
JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son. I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L: Mum, I’m back!
LM:（惊讶睁大眼） 河源景点You are back? Why? What happened?
L: I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.（怨愤抱拳在胸前）
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See! （手指向兰芝）I have already told you!（咳嗽两声） When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,（咳） I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. Look at yourself…… （咳咳咳）
L: But, mum…… （很委屈温声细语）
LM: Never interrupt me!
L: Mum, I’m not interrupting you. I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to
LM(大喜):Nice girl!（竖大拇指）Just now, I met the mayor`s son in the market. He said:“If your daughter haven’t been married, I really really want to marry her!” Now you are free again, I’ll go and tell him.(下)
L(惊愕):What? （手捂下巴）The mayor`s son? The most famous play boy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done! No, I will not marry a man like that!（扭身子撒娇）
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